Chiltington Lane
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hello Etongrad!

heading this way and portending the end of all life as we know it - an entirely new town at the end of the lane

by Zsolt Kerekes - Editor - February 28, 2021

In the classic Bruce Willis scifi film Armageddon Earth is threatened by a giant asteroid which has been detected to be on course to crash into us and wipe out the surface of our planet.

Something similar has been happening here in Chiltington Lane in recent days as (despite being locked legally tight in our all too familiar covid cells) news has been trickling in - sightings of a giant alien monolith which has been spotted to be on course to crashland a short stroll away in the vicinity of Novington Lane.

The size of the potential splatter is hard to estimate but it will probably obliterate the landscape for miles around. And if it does land here then local inhabitants will be outnumbered by aliens - 50 to 1.

The exact timing and details aren't too clear at present.

Apparently the alien contingent is beaming fuzzy messages saying they come in peace and will make everything look so much nicer. But hey - I've seen the Jack Nicholson film Mars Attacks too.

The origins of this armaggedon event are the old old story:- gaps in the planning system which enable developers to salivate at the financial gain they can get from transforming farmland into housing estates.

200x gain on the land alone (gov.uk data).

And with average house prices hereabouts being £1.5 million (according to Zoopla - so it must be true) think how much it would be worth if you built over 3,000 new houses (and that's slimmed down from an earlier ambition of 5,000 homes mooted in 2014).

My calculator doesn't have enough digits to show the answer to that without slipping into a display mode called scientific notation. Now you know why I introduced this post with 2 mentions already of science fiction.

Don't turn away just yet. We're getting to the truths and facts part.

Truth... The proposed crashlanding site for the new town is on farmland which has been banked by Eton College. (Eton's a long way from here - but if their developer actors get away with this audacious plan the money they make here in East Sussex is currency they can take away and use elsewhere.)

Fiction... the new town isn't called Etongrad. It hasn't got a name yet. But I needed a way to refer to it in this post. I may think of something better.

Why Etongrad? Think Stalingrad, Leningrad... what do those peasants in East Sussex know? They don't even have proper roads to drive their tractors on... We know what's good for them.

If we don't blow this concept out of the sky then we'll get the concrETONization of East Chiltington, Plumpton and splatterings all along the shadows of the South Downs.

Etongrad - or something equally despoiling with a deceptively nicer sounding name (chosen by a marketing focus group) is coming this way.

For more take a look at the emerging action group website here www.DontUrbaniseTheDowns.com *

We don't need Bruce Willis. We're counting on you.

Updates

Does Eton own substantial tracts of land (thanks to past benefactors) in other locations too?

You bet.

Having discovered a tempting formula on the roulette wheel of planning wobbles - will it try similar tricks elsewhere?

Yes. It already has done. And more such rural clone attacks may be in the pipeline for all we know.

Here's one I found today (March 1, 2021) after writing above about our own local problem - a Guardian article (Sep 27, 2020) about a spookily similar despoiling scheme aimed at land near Horsham "Kingswood scheme for nearly 3,000 new homes."

PPS - Here's a link to the main opposition site to that threat in West Chiltington (actually) - http://bigstand.co.uk

2 Chiltingtons at risk

So it turns out that both East Chiltington (in East Sussex) and West Chiltington in (West Sussex) sre under attack by similar new town developments on land formerly bequeathed to Eton College.

If I had known earlier then maybe I would have headlined my blog above something like - hello EastETONgrad to differentiate it from the other. WestETONgrad - the sad target of the despoiling plan called by its developers "Kingswood".

Names are important. If East Chiltington is going to be covered in concrete and dual carriageways (sold to decision makers with an image of cows grazing on rooftops among the solar panels - that's the green agricultural urbanism bit) then we need a better name for this infernal scheme.

Next step?

A competition - open to all residents to suggest a new name for this Eton related scheme.

To show the developers what we really think of it and to stop them hijacking the name when we discuss and oppose it. Because if we talk using their language then they have already won the first round of their colonial war.

We can vote on the new names or let social media decide.

say no to new town - wrong thing wrong placeEtongrad was just my kickoff idea as a marker - and I know it's not great. I've been hearing better suggestions from all around East Chiltington. We also need to open it up to Lewes residents too - as we're in their administrative area and they'll have to change their maps and signs if it does goes ahead. More on the competition soon.

In the meantime please continue discussing among yourselves in any way you can. I've heard some fiendishly mocking names already.

See also:- A timeline of related stories on wrongthingwrongplace.com


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How is such a monstrous scheme like Eton's new town able to circumvent planning common sense as we've known it? - in which you couldn't previously build any new houses in East Chiltington?

CPRE has an answer:- "Land promoters persuade landowners to allow them to pursue planning permission on their land for a 20-25% share in the profits... which is highly tempting..."
CPRE briefing – How 'land promoters' exploit legal loopholes at the expense of communities and the countryside (pdf) - lessons learned from 164 planning appeal cases.

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the new field equation... (it's not Physics)

DDT(1950s) = concrete(2020s)

where "=" means "is just as bad"
silent spring and concrETON image wrongthingwrongplacedotcom
Final Spring in Novington Lane?

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East Chilting Town, Great Blighton, Etonot Green, Eton Mess, Quidsinbury, Etonplex, Commuterton, East Plumpton, West Cooksbridge...
some of the names and ideas suggested by residents of the Lewes Forum in threads related to the question - name for a new town west of Lewes - ideas? (March 2021)

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Final Spring in Novington Lane?

the simple ma££s of planning gain

Where inexactly is Chiltington Lane?

Cyclists have become an integral part of our lane

Other web sites which talk about Chiltington Lane

wrongthingwrongplace.com - Eton vs East Chiltington

why people are saying No to the Nolands Farm plan in Plumpton

Prickly neighbours you're likely to meet on a dark night in the lane

Have you read about the Saxon gold buried in nearby Underhill Lane?