hello Etongrad! heading this way and portending the end of all
life as we know it - an entirely new town at the end of the lane
Zsolt Kerekes -
Chiltington Lane -
February 28, 2021
inexactly is Chiltington Lane?
In the classic Bruce Willis
Earth is threatened by a giant asteroid which has been detected to be on
course to crash into us and wipe out the surface of our planet.
similar has been happening here in Chiltington Lane in recent days as (despite
being locked legally tight in our all too familiar covid cells)
has been trickling in - sightings of a giant alien monolith which has been
spotted to be on course to crashland a short stroll away in the vicinity of
The size of the potential splatter is hard to estimate
but it will probably obliterate the landscape for miles around. And if it does
land here then local inhabitants will be outnumbered by aliens - 50 to 1.
The exact timing and details aren't too clear at present.
the alien contingent is beaming fuzzy messages saying they come in peace and
will make everything look so much nicer. But hey - I've seen the Jack Nicholson
film Mars Attacks
The origins of this armaggedon event are the old old story:- gaps
in the planning system which enable developers to salivate at the financial gain
they can get from transforming farmland into housing estates.
gain on the land alone
And with average house prices hereabouts being
£1.5 million (according to Zoopla
- so it must be true) think how much it would be worth if you built over
3,000 new houses (and that's slimmed down from an earlier
of 5,000 homes mooted in 2014).
My calculator doesn't have
enough digits to show the answer to that without slipping into a display mode
called scientific notation. Now you know why I introduced this post with 2
mentions already of science fiction.
Don't turn away just yet. We're
getting to the truths and facts part.
Truth... The proposed
crashlanding site for the new town is on farmland which has been
Eton College. (Eton's a long way from
here - but if their
actors get away with this audacious plan the money they make here in East
Sussex is currency they can take away and use elsewhere.)
the new town isn't called Etongrad. It hasn't got a name yet. But I needed a way
to refer to it in this post. I may think of something better.
Etongrad? Think Stalingrad, Leningrad... what do those peasants in East Sussex
know? They don't even have proper roads to drive their tractors on... We know
what's good for them.
If we don't blow this concept out of the sky then
we'll get the concrETONization of East Chiltington, Plumpton and splatterings
all along the shadows of the South Downs.
Etongrad - or something
equally despoiling with a deceptively
sounding name (chosen by a marketing focus group) is coming this way.
more take a look at the emerging action group website here
don't need Bruce Willis. We're counting on you.
Does Eton own
substantial tracts of land (thanks to past
other locations too?
Having discovered a tempting formula on the roulette
wheel of planning wobbles - will it try similar tricks elsewhere?
It already has done. And more such rural clone attacks may be in the pipeline
for all we know.
Here's one I found today (March 1, 2021) after
writing above about our own local problem -
Guardian article (Sep 27, 2020) about a spookily similar despoiling scheme
aimed at land near Horsham "Kingswood scheme for nearly 3,000 new
PPS - Here's a link
to the main opposition site to that threat in West Chiltington (actually) -
Chiltingtons at risk
So it turns out that both East Chiltington
(in East Sussex) and West Chiltington in (West Sussex) sre under attack by
similar new town developments on land formerly bequeathed to Eton College.
I had known earlier then maybe I would have headlined my blog above
something like - hello EastETONgrad to differentiate it from the other.
WestETONgrad - the sad target of the despoiling plan called by its developers
Names are important. If East Chiltington is
going to be covered in concrete and dual carriageways (sold to decision makers
with an image of cows grazing on rooftops among the solar panels - that's
the green agricultural urbanism bit) then we need a better name for this
A competition -
open to all residents to suggest a new name for this Eton related scheme.
To show the developers what we really think of it and to stop them
hijacking the name when we discuss and oppose it. Because if we
using their language then they have already won the first round of their
We can vote on the new names or let social media
was just my kickoff idea as a marker - and I know it's not great. I've been
hearing better suggestions from all around East Chiltington. We also need to
it up to Lewes residents too - as we're in their administrative area and
they'll have to change their maps and signs if it does goes ahead. More on the
In the meantime please continue discussing among
yourselves in any way you can. I've heard some fiendishly mocking names
See also:- A timeline of related stories on
inexactly is Chiltington Lane?
Cyclists have become an
integral part of our lane
Other web sites
which talk about Chiltington Lane
- Eton vs East Chiltington
neighbours you're likely to meet on a dark night in the lane
Have you read about the
Saxon gold buried in nearby Underhill Lane?